Today as I was going through my music I found the voice-mail from my ex bf that I have saved from before we ever broke up. The voice-mail is basically him telling me (pretty graphically) how much he wants me.
I held on to that voice-mail for so long…
But today I’m very happy to say that I listened to it one last time, it had no effect on me what-so-ever and I deleted it forever. :)
Last year when I had to get rid of my old phone… I cried for almost an entire day because I had to delete that message… until my friend pointed out that I could juts record it on my computer hahaha…
But anyways… it doesn’t have any power over me anymore.
HE doesn’t have any power over me anymore and he hasn’t for a while now. :)
In fact… some days I think back and I wonder why I ever loved him.
There’s someone much better in my life now <3
That treats me better than I could ever imagine <3
I just had o much on my mind it was distracting and I couldn’t focus.
SO, I decided to make a list of everything that I was pondering, stressed about, worried about… or thinking about.
And it actually helped… I went on to my chores and got them all done quickly.
Now I’m thinking again and I want to elaborate on my list…
and what better place to do it than tumblr? :)
SO. Here we goooo…
Things that I need to do in the near future: CLEAN, laundry, cook, find a doctor
Things that I need: Pants
Things that I want: Lights for my room, more soap base, soap supplies, picture frames, and photo paper.
Things that have been stressing me out: My general lack of happiness in Florida, My job, and the discrimination that I get for being fat, and female. My job and my one boss that’s an asshole, my job and the fact that I don’t make enough money (not to mention the stress physical and mental), my body is stressing me out… i don’t know what’s wrong with me half the time, Money/bills stresses me out, my family stresses me out, not having a car stresses me out, not having a license stresses me out even more…and the list goes on…
Things that are worrying me: My body and the way it keeps acting up, plus the fact that I don’t have a doctor :, the fact that I’m not happy in FL, my desire to work in my field that has completely diminished, my desire to start my own business (could it work? would anyone even want to buy my products?), my relationship worries me sometimes… for different reasons…
Other things on my mind: What to do with this extra money I’m making? What do I want? What benefits me and my future more? What is my future???
Do I get a new phone and plan like I planned… Do I buy everything I’d need to go on a diet and lose the weight that’s making me feel like shit everyday?
Do I get the new glasses that I so desperately need?
Do I just keep saving it so that when I actually do someday get my fucking license I’ll have enough for a car?
What do I do? That is the burning question… not only with my money… but with my life right now…
I feel completely lost sometimes… and the only thing keeping me sane is my bf <3 coincidentally he’s also the only thing keeping me in FL….
Why does life have to be so complicated…
anyways… there it is… my exploding mind typed out so I can finally get some sleep and maybe actually rest this time.