After Shaun and I broke up… something inside me struggled to stay alive… my self confidence and my self happiness.
I felt like most of the time I couldn’t be completely happy on my own…
Then came John… he helped me find temporary happiness for a while… until he decided we had no future… after that I completely lost my self happiness.
Then Jay came along and I thought I had found a perfect match in him… except that he turned out to be quite the whore… I’m glad I never slept with him.. or developed any real feelings for him… it was then that I began to question why all these men always leave me.
And then… then came the most recent fiasco…
Amazing, sweet, funny, attentive, attractive, a man that most women would consider marriage material.
We had a great month of getting to know each other, and teasing each other… he called me his girlfriend and said he was my boyfriend…
We went out… I had sex with him, it was amazing, that whole day with him was amazing.
He was so sweet.
Changed overnight and started completely ignoring me. Didn’t even have the balls to break up with me.
I’ve had this happen to me even when I was with shaun… it’s one of my biggest issues…
I hate being ignored for days on end.
And that’s what all these men would end up doing.
They all say that they’re not going to be like the last guy…
But they always end up that way.
This had my self esteem down into the negative zone…
I still wonder if it’s maybe me that there’s something wrong with…
But today something just clicked inside me.
Things went smooth at work… everyone around me was happy, and i suddenly realized that I’M happy too.
I’m happy with me. Sure there’s things in my life that I wish I could change…
But I’m still happy. I’m happy on my own and that’s critical for me.
I haven’t felt this way in a long time.
SO fuck you men from my past, I don’t need you.
I don’t need anyone but myself to be happy.
Sure…sex is great… and I’m pretty sure my body is going to hate me after a while if a worthy guy doesn’t come along in a few months…
but… I just have to remember that any man that is going to ignore me, or not going to fight for me, and not 100% committed to me…they’re not getting anywhere close to my heart. I’ll probably be single forever now >.< but hey,
I love me, I love my body, I love my life, even if there are things that I want to change. :)
AND AND AND :) I love everyone that is reading this :)